Может быть, моя мечта знала меня лучше

Wow. Sorry for the long absence. As you'll find out, life has been a little more exciting and unpredictable than usual. At least for the first half, this set of entries has a lot of random rants and observations, my apologies in advance... and unfortunately, most of the entries do not have dates.



We like to live with the assumption that freedom from fear is a natural human right. Living here though, I'm becoming more and more convinced that it's just part of life, whether or not we recognize it for what it is. For examples, I live with an constant, subtle, instinctive fear of policemen here. It's not the kind of fear like being cornered by a dog in a dark alley, but it's more a general knowledge that it's better not to have any contact with policemen here for fear of becoming poorer by having your pockets kindly emptied for you. Russian young men have the same problem, except it's their normal life at stake, not their money. That's another, constant fear that people here just live with. It's interesting, because that feeling is really foreign to American culture until it hits us in a big way like it did on 9-11. But for the rest of the world, things aren't like that. It's not something that jumps out at you one day, it exists alongside you, and while you know you can't escape it, you evade to the best of your ability.


Russian women really are fashionable. But it's interesting how they are still wearing midriff shirts and still like to have a thong strap peeking out. Granted, they've got the body to pull this look off. :-)

Back home, i never really had the desire to smoke. But here... wow. I can't even begin to say how much i want to smoke sometimes. As one of my friends explained, i'm probably addicted just from all the second hand smoke. It's not a peer pressure thing like it would be at home, it's something else. A: it's just a part of the culture here. B: young russian women are so skinny, i feel like a cow next to them most days. Didn't really think about it until i met a russian woman approximately my own age this weekend who doesn't smoke. The difference in her figure compared to my host sister's is blatant-- she's still thin, but she's certainly got more of the "feminine curve" to her. And i hadn't realized how much i missed being around other women with similar patches of fat and padding, shall we say.

Haven't written too much about going to bars yet, or have i? There's none of this rediculous bureaucracy of checking IDs. Knowing Russia though, it's almost shocking that they haven't instituted it here just for the opportunity of taking bribes. Makes sense, no?


The Western cultural invasion is ever-present, even in the area of soft drinks, and not everyone takes to it all that kindly. I saw a billboard (a terribly non-Russian thing two decades ago) saying "Kvas not Cola! No Cola-nization and the people will be healthy!". I found it interesting that a company would choose to advertise their product as standing in defiance of "Western colonization," and that this is obviously an effective marketing strategy. Plus, there's the sheer irony of advertising anti-Westernism with purely Western means.
For those of you who don't know what kvas is, it's tastes like a mix of beer and coke, and is made out of fermented bread but somehow doesn't have any alcohol in it. Sounds gross to most non-Russians, but it actually is really refreshing on a hot day.

One of our teachers was talking today about the disparity between men and women in terms of health. A classmate asked her why so many men die so early... she rattled off liver and heart problems, and then added that the male "organism" (as Russian's call one's constitution and general health) is significantly weaker than the female one. "Of course, men are stronger in terms of muscles, but women are the ones who carry the babies and they are better at surviving." Totally foreign concept for me. I grew up in the mentality that women are the "weaker sex" in all senses and thus men should take care of them and protect them. Here in Russia, things seem much more reciprocal. Men take care of their women, but it's more out of social politeness and respect; everyone knows that Russian women are strong, independent, and fully capable of taking care of themselves.


5 Aug 2007
Well, we're leaving for a cruise today. Honestly, I have no clue what to expect other than a lot of visits to monasteries and churches.

Last night was one of three times in my life that i've stayed up all night. A whole group of us went to a club to celebrate the end of classes and the fact that we all passed the final exam, but only 3 of us stayed until they kicked us out. So i got home at 7.30 this morning, downed several glasses of water, and crashed. And despite taking breaks throughout the night, my spine and knees are still sore from dancing.
It was a really nice club; nothing like the other one i went to a few weeks ago which was in the dark, dank basement of something. Still, it was rather overrun with teenagers, and not as many young professionals.
Once again, gotta say that Russians do not know how to dance. Well, they do, but they dance like white folks:-P The nice thing is that people don't pair up dancing here unless they came as a couple, so you dance in small groups and it's less intimidating.


6 Aug
Well, we spent today in a tourist trap built on the orders of Pres Putin himself... or so our director said:-) Contrary to my worst fears though, it wasn't totally overrun with non-Russians, so i didn't mind too much. Still, the artificiality of a Russian country village built expressly to wring money out of visitors is a bit of an oxymoron. Oh, and the other problem with this lovely village was the lack of shade. I wasn't sure whom to curse more, Putin or my Irish ancestors!

The food on the ship is a bit questionable at times, but there's a lot of it, unlike for the past month or so in St. P. I'm convinced my stomach has shrunk because i get painfully hungry constantly and fill up very quickly. Hopefully i won't fatten up too much from finally being able to humor my tummy every time it growls at me.

Oh, and i got a classic reminder today of why i used to swear i would never date a Russian man. There was a group of Russian folks, probably in their late 20s, sitting a few tables down from us at the picnic today. One of the girls gets up in a bit of a (mock?) huff... then her boyfriend turns around, wrestles her back towards him, and gives her a good smack on the rear, not letting her go even though she's obviously trying to get away. Such things happen i suppose? But not in public, sheesh! And it's really weird because in a lot of ways, men here are much better about showing respect for women, even to complete strangers. You get the door held for you, there's someone there to give you a hand out of a car, etc. Things that feminists in America have intimidated men out of doing. But there's a certain percent (majority? minority?) that have no problem ogling women, and humiliating them (by my standards) in public.
Everyone agrees that Russia's most valuable asset is it's women because they have kept life together under some incredibly horrible circumstances and are very independent by necessity. In that sense, i think they strike a near-perfect balance of being strong and feminine at the same time... something American women seem to still struggle with. And Russian men really admire and appreciate them for it. So interestingly, the biggest dose of chauvanism around here comes from women themselves--while women treat men like pampered babies, they can be borderline cutthroat with each other.

More about Russian men, shall we? Homophobia is deeply, firmly ingrained here, and Russian men really do deserve the title of "men" where i general hesitate to call young males in America anything but "guys." However! There's an amazing, amazing amount of "man purses" and stylish clothing on perfectly straight guys that would automatically classify them as gay in 95% of America:-) Furthermore, homophobia aside, Russian culture is extremely "homosocial" (as a friend described it). Women and men socialize in totally separate circles and are a little "too close for comfort" by traditional American standards. For instance, i saw my host mom kiss her girlfriend right on the mouth once! In general, platonic friendship between men and women is seen as impossible... Now, at my age, i can agree that there's some truth to that since most guys i've become acquainted with at college and thought of as friends have made advances at me in one way or another. Thinking back to high school though, my closest friends were all guys because girls my own age were either too catty or lightminded (not a word in English, but an excellent word in Russian). And i really value that time because men weren't strangers, and thus weren't overly appealing or enticing. Instead, they were more like brothers. I knew how their brains work, wasn't horrified by how loudly they burp, and came to appreciate the horrendously terrible jokes they make.

7 Aug 2007
A deck boy walked by our window a few minutes ago, took a long(ing) look at my roommate, and walked the side of his skull straight into a metal staircase)) Youch. Really, it's a miracle that men survived the evolutionary process! A few minutes later he came back to discover that there are two of us in here and stood by the window smiling at us for a good minute.

Sad to say, but i have been seriously disappointed with the behavior of the guys (not "men") in our group who are in the military. I grew up as a military brat, so I have high expectations and expect soldiers to behave like gentlemen. On the surface level, they do. But there's another side to them that is more animal-like than the general population. They are loud, have a herd mentality, and have a tendency to be downright obnoxious. I just hope to goodness that they are enlisted and not officers... otherwise i've got serious concerns! Plus, they seem to have this sense of entitlement that allows them to act like this... either they grew up in a rough neighborhood, or went to Iraq, or something. Ok, you've had a rough life, doesn't mean you get to act like a (you supply a word). The military's got a bad enough reputation, not to mention America, so the way they act around Americans and especially around Russians is really starting to irritate and embarrass me.

The most surprising news has to do with our tourguide though. She is a beautiful, classy woman, but for some reason, she and the most arrogant, obnoxious, ex-military 20 y/o in our group are now an item. I guess it's a wonder that women survived evolution as well... especially the ones that seem to have a taste for men that don't know how to respect a lady, or anyone else for that matter. Not to mention that it's more than a bit unprofessional to be hooking up with a student when you're in a position of authority. The other authority figures are trying to keep it quiet, but everyone knows... especially after the guy called her "baby" in front of a whole bunch of us last night.

Don't know why i've written so much about men lately... i guess they are just interesting to observe and compare with women, especially here in Russia.

The mosquito bites on my arms are so itchy, that there are little bald spots around them from where i've scratched too much. lol. Oh, and i now have freckles on my fingers for the first time in my life... what the heck!


8 Aug 2007
I get the feeling that cruises are a great idea for honeymoons and not much else. There's absolutely nothing to do here but look at the scenery, look at whatever spots they take us to (more often than not they aren't very interesting), and drink. Seriously. I had a bit to drink the first two nights and then decided that i needed to put a stop to that asap lest i become reliant on it as a way of escaping boredom. So yours truly will be remaining completely sober until arriving back on dry land.

We were in a provincial city (Petrozavodsk) yesterday for almost 18 hours yesterday. Nice enough city, but i simply failed to see the point of stopping there. I also got the feeling that living there would induce alcoholism since there was clearly nothing interesting to do there but walk along the shore with a beer in hand. At least in St. P there's lots going on, which may or may not involve a beer.

Today we were in Kizhi, a tiny island at the top end (i think) of Lake Ladoga. Sadly, the battery on my camera decided to die a swift death, so i will have to steal pictures from friends. In addition to the collection of traditional Russian peasant huts, there were two huge wooden churches, and a fine collection of aders in the grass... or so they warned us.

The other unfortunate thing about being on this cruise is the lack of opportunities to speak Russian. We're here as a group, so we do everything together and don't interact with Russians much. Plus, everyone is pretty much sick and tired of speaking Russian, so we aren't practicing much even among ourselves. Thank gosh i'm going to Moscow afterwards; at least there's some hope of practicing.

Misha's grandma called me today to find out what time the train would be arriving and the compartment number. It took me a few seconds to figure who the heck was calling me, lol, so hopefully she doesn't think i'm just a stupid American who can't speak Russian.


9 Aug 2007
Went on an excursion to a monastery today. Hard to explain why, but it reminded me of all the reasons people give for why they aren't religious. Our Russian teachers told our American chaperone off the record about where all of the money goes that these very devout, religious people give. Everything from tithe collecting to determining who gets a promotion sounds utterly corrupt. Even worse, it's taking advantage of some very sincere, goodhearted, and desolate people whose only comfort and security in life is hope in G-d.
The monastery's tourguide spent a good chunk of the tour giving sales pitches for some holy water which is very "healthful" to drink, holy sand to place on afflicted areas, and candles to place in front of a certain icon which "has been known" to help women who can't have children. I'm starting to see why they say that religion takes advantage of weak people who have nowhere else to turn. In Russia especially, it's easy to see how there's a thin layer of biblical doctrine wrapped in a thick layer of ancient folk superstitions so that it would be accepted, then lacquered in the purpose of keeping people under control and making them believe that suffering is not only necessary, but desirable. End of rant, before i become too cynical? Russia does that to you, for better or worse. Today just got me thinking about religion again, which is odd. Here, unlike in America, it's easy to exist without having to constantly think about why you do or do not believe in G-d and justify your choice. Thanks to the Soviet era, it's the norm here to not be religious, although there is a certain chunk of the population that went flocking back to religion asap.

I'm starting to see why Russian men have such a short life span. There's this level of tough, illogical machismo that they seem to cling to. For example, we were at a picnic with some young, 20-something Russians a few weeks ago. One of the guys disappeared for a few hours, and evidently spent all of that time passed out drunk in his car. He eventually emerged long enough to gloat about how drunk he was, and get some girls to dump cold water on his head. Next thing i know, he gets in his car and drives off in a cloud of dust kicked up from him not being able to hold it on the road properly. His justification for this? "I'm a policeman, so i can get away with it." Sad thing is, he's right. Even more sad, his friends knew that there was nothing they could have said to stop him from leaving and just sort of accepted that this was normal.

Oh... when i talked to Misha today, he had a bit of a strange, distant sound to his voice, so i finally asked him what was wrong. It turns out, that in my confusion induced by his grandma calling, I asked her "You're the relative of *which* Misha??" Ooops! Unfortunately, whenever i'm talking to someone for the first time, and especially when I haven't mentally prepared for a conversation, i get really nervous and make stupid mistakes. I wanted to ask "Which relative of Misha's?". So my mistake got reported back to Misha's mom and back to Misha. lol. The womenfolk came to the conclusion that i've been having a little too much fun around here and now have a collection of men, including several Mishas. !!!! I'm flattered that they have such faith in my looks and language skills, but i'm also a tad hurt. And now i'm more nervous about meeting this grandmother on Sunday who already thinks i'm a "shlyukha". Eh.

10 Aug
Last night of the cruise. I'm kinda relieved, honestly.

11 Aug
Stayed up until 5 in the morning last night and got a grand total of 3 hours of sleep. Woot! It was worth it though. My cabin mate found herself an interesting Russian guy, and a whole group stayed out on the top deck chatting the night away. I got to see lots of shooting stars, which was such a rare treat and gave me a chance to make a wish.

13 Aug 2007
Well, I'm in Moscow! Haven't seen too much of the city, except for the car ride from the train station to Misha's grandparents' house. The train ride itself took forever; 8 whole hours, and the train was going at a decent speed the whole time.
From what i've seen so far, it seems like there are fewer mullets here, and the girls dress more according to western fashion, not Russian fashion. Still, I find that there are a lot of things about Moscow that remind me of NY, in a bad way. Like girls paying so much attention to the latest designer fashion, etc. In a country where so many people are struggling to just get by, it seems rather revolting to see Dolce and Gabana (sp?) everywhere. Growing up in NY, it was a really sore spot for a while that my family couldn't afford the latest designer stuff... you know how all kids go through a phase when they've gotta fit in and be cool. Eventually i got over that and realized you can dress well even without having some brand name plastered all over your clothing. People in St. P seem to agree with me on that, but it's a little painful to come to Moscow and be confronted with that designer mindset all over again.
Still, young women here actually have more of the feminine curve to them, which is very comforting, and they wear more reasonable footwear. On the downside, there are also a lot more fat young people. It's unfortunate, gotta say, and it's probably because more people here have adopted the Western diet of fast food. McDonalds should really be shot, no?

15 Aug
The more i see of Moscow, and especially after seeing the region Misha grew up in today, i'm beginning to understand why he misses it so much and how hard it was to leave. But on the other side, i'm becoming more and more afraid of what things'll be like if he is forced to come back. I myself could live in Russia and be happy (though probably not so much in Moscow), but it's not the kind of life i want for Misha. I don't want him to live in fear of the draft, of policemen on the street, of petty officials constantly asking for money. You look at Russia on the surface these days and it looks like any other Western country, but look a little deeper and there are so many problems that are deeply ingrained into everyday existence. You can't escape them, sidestep them, or run away from them. It's bad enough for me as a foreigner here, but it's as bad, if not worse, for the people that actually live here. Just overhearing conversations of Misha's grandparents, aunt, and uncle, it sounds like they have to pay bribes at every turn. Imagine it! Not only is it incredibly frustrating on the practical level of forking over money, but the principle of the matter would gag me every time.

Moscow is turning out to be way more expensive than i expected. Just getting around on public transportation is an exercise in spending money. The marshrutka to the metro from Domodedovo costs 50 rubles, then the metro costs 18. The electrichka costs 60. Doesn't look like much when you translate it into dollars, but it adds up quickly. Especially when you're out all day in the heat and have to buy ice cream, mors, and kvas just to stay alive. The heat here is about to kill me, especially after Petersburg where we were constantly surrounded by water and the temperature rarely got above 80. Now, i'm dying from the heat and developing quite a tan on the face, neck, and arms. The rest of me is still painfully white though, so i'm trying to figure out a way to even things out somehow. Kristina's mom has already suggested buying some tanning lotion... i'm actually considering it, just like i'm also considering dying my hair red before i leave here:-) Russia does things to you like that.

Back to the topic of getting around though. It just takes so long to get anywhere. Today, it took us two hours to get from Domodedovo (not the metro stop, the actual city which is a suburb of Moscow) to Yasenevo. Incredible. It's like living in Suffolk county commuting to Manhattan, except three times as inconvenient. Whereas NY (and St. P for that matter) is laid out in a nice grid pattern and Long Island neatly meshes into that grid, Moscow is like a big blob that has sprawled out beyond reasonable limits. So the metro here is laid out like a big spider web, except there is only one big circle holding the whole thing together. I got to ride on that circle line today, and believe me, when they talk about overcrowding, there is no exageration involved. It was 11.30 am when you'd think everyone would be at work already and there was still practically no room to breath on the train. They desparately need to get cracking on a second circle line further out.

There's something about the Russian spirit that is irrepressible. They see a rule and they see something that needs to be pushed, if not broken. It's not like parents here don't punish their children, or that teachers don't teach them the rules. Still, somehow, this anarchic spirit gets passed on from generation to generation. Talking with Sasha (Misha's classmate) today was quite an enlightening, amusing experience. She told me how she used to smoke in the girls' bathroom way back in the early years of school; she got caught once and the entire class had to make signs saying how harmful smoking was for your health, etc, etc. She said, "I worked on those signs so sincerely, earnestly... and kept right on smoking, starting the next day!" Misha, as much of a sweetheart as he is, was the same way, if to a lesser degree. He has such a good heart, the kind that would automatically make him a goody two shoes in America; growing up in Russia though, he was constantly into some adventuresome mischief.


17 Aug
Went to the Novadevich Monastary today. I got to see Chekhov's grave, Eisenstein's grave, Yeltsin's grave... lots of others, i can't even remember all of them. The biggest highlight by far was getting to see Shostakovich's grave though. A lot of the other memorials were kind of bombastic and overstated, but his was simple, white marble, with his musical monograph-- tasteful, but still meaningful. I wanted to just sit there for a little bit, but Kristina and Alexey don't exactly share my love for Shostakovich, so we moved on. Then we went into one of the chapels there and lit candles. Kristina lit a whole bunch, 11 i think. I lit one for mom, dad, and Misha. It's strangely reassuring to be thinking of a person and looking at a flame... can't really explain why. Even after you finish praying and leave, you know that candle is there burning and still thinking of the person you love.

Staying with Misha's family is giving me a good intro course in Russian superstitions. I don't know if it's a Moscow thing, or if Petersburg is just too Western. Some of them really do make life more pleasant, like the one about hiccups since it makes you feel special in the midst of trying to figure out how to make them go away. Others seems just silly. Others are just fun.

If you go to the cemetery with your boyfriend, you won't get married. (silly?)
If you leave a coin somewhere, you'll return to that place. (pleasant)
If you step on someone's toes, they have to step on yours, otherwise you'll quarrel. (fun since it can turn into quite the stepping fest)
If you leave set your purse on the floor, you won't have money. (silly, and kind of annoying if you're in the habit of doing so)
If you have the hiccups, it means someone is remembering you. (very pleasant)
The person you dream about the first night you spend in a new place will be your husband. (also pleasant, especially if it actually works out)

18 Aug 2007
Spent the entire day with friends of the family. As it turns out, there's a three generation friendship between their family and Misha's. First the grandparents came to over to the house. I forgot the husband's name, but he was quite the interesting person. Naturally, everything was better under Soviet rule, and in particular, education was better. After digging into my Russian ever so gently (no offense taken since i'm used to it already and have a rather low opinion of it myself, lol), he then demanded that I test out the English of his daughter, son-in-law, and grandson. Yes, naturally, i came to Russia specifically to practice my English. Needless to say, said relatives were shy and not so eager to talk with me in English, and I was more than happy to practice my Russian with them, so he just had to live without knowing the fate of the Soviet education system. :-P

So on the way to the dacha where this son-in-law, daughter, and grandson live, Alexey and Larisa got into a huge argument about something. I'm slowly coming to the conclusion what when it comes to family, there is such a thing as too close for comfort. With my parents, i'm still reliant on them, and i still turn to them for advice, but i don't see them every day, i don't live with them, and they aren't overly freaked out about me being so far away from them.

With this family though, there seems to be something of an eternal "scandal" (as it's called in Russian) going on. Frankly speaking, it's not just this family, it's all of Moscow. It doesn't take much to tip people over the edge and they'll start quarreling over anything. So anyway, this particular argument ended in Kristina crying, Alexey moping but refusing to say "I'm sorry", and Larissa emerging triumphant. :-) In the women's circle which developed while we waited for a taxi, Larissa sagely advised me to never, ever marry. "There's absolutely no reason to formalize a relationship... men are such terrors. It's better to just raise children without marriage" lol. Naturally, Kristina had to jump in and disagree, saying that it is possible to marry guys who are easy going and good natured like Misha. Who knows. I'm sure there's some truth to Larissa's point of view, and I know for sure that a lot of Russian women would have to agree with her 100%. And it really does drive me crazy that most men have this mental block about asking forgiveness when they've been rude or just stupid. It wouldn't make them one bit less manly if they could admit they were wrong now and then; quite the contrary, it would make them that much more attractive and priceless. And Kristina is right, i'm lucky with Misha. He's only ticked me off maybe twice, but he has always asked me to forgive him, even without the healthy does of female hysterics which would usually induce such an action just to end the tears and reproaches. lol.

Still, being out at the dacha was really relaxing, even with that rousing prelude. The way back was nothing short of a workout though. For starters, the roads weren't paved, so we were tricky trotting over gravel in the dark. That wasn't the most interesting part though. Before we got too far, we hit railroad tracks. Most Americans would go hunt down the closest railroad crossing, especially when there at least six different tracks running here there and everything, with switches to boot. Ooo no. I took a picture just to remember the first time i'd ever crossed tracks in such a fashion:-) When we finally got to the other side, we were pretty much locked in by a gate and a collection of policemen that threatened to stick us all in prison for trying to get through the gate. The original plan was to bribe them into opening the gate, but these were particularly grouchy policemen, so we ignored their prison threats and marched off to search for another way through. Gotta love life here. In general, you do things in Russia you'd ever do in America. Not immoral stuff, things you would fear being judged for, stopped by the police for, or being hurt by. For example: drinking beer on the street (without that ridiculous paper bag thing), making out on escalators, crossing railroad tracks, going downtown knowing full well that you won't be able to get back home until 8 in the morning, etc.

Backtracking to cops for one more minute.... In America, you fear them cause they actually do what they are supposed to be doing--enforcing the law. Here, if you get caught doing something you're not supposed to be doing, no biggie... pay a $15 bribe and everything's peachy. What you actually have to worry about are cops bothering you when you're just going about your everyday, normal, perfectly legal business. Strange, huh?

19 Aug 2007
Well, the first elevator i went to in Moscow was the one in Kristina's apartment building. Immediately upon entering, Alexey gave me a list of designated spots where i could look since it was shorter than the list of places i could look, lol. Naturally, i didn't obey in anticipation of my usual lesson in Russian mat. For a change, there was no mat to read. Instead, the back wall was dedicated to skinhead slogans and symbols, which are almost as familiar to me as Russian mat anyway.
That was right after getting here. Well, this morning, that same elevator gave me more to look at. The doors opened and the first thing i noticed was that the floor was covered in newspaper. I expected this to mean that some drunk person had suffered digestive problems, but it turned out to be worse. The floors and walls were covered in blood. Yea. Alexey's first reaction was, "Well, we'll close our eyes and think about good things." It was such a traditional, predictable, Russian response.... Well, it's not my blood, i'll look elsewhere. It's not me in a prison camp, so I can go on with life. It's not my son getting dragged off to two years of army hazing. It's not my dad getting beaten up cause he doesn't look Russian. Look elsewhere and try to forget. I guess there comes a point where you can't exist if you are constantly aware of the problems around you, but on another level, how can you exist knowing what is going on around you? I don't understand how your elevator can be coated in skinhead garbage and now be varnished in blood and you can close your eyes and pretend like everything is ok. On another level, i understand all too well how this is not only possible, but the only way to survive sometimes. Maybe i've celebrated Passover too many times. It certainly teaches you to understand the sufferings of other people as your own, as your personal responsibility... at least in the sense that you have the obligation to admit their existence and tell others about them. I don't have the money to make the world a better place, but i have faith in the power of words and knowledge. And part of keeping this blog and writing a thesis on skinheads is to shine a light not only on the positive sides of my beloved Russia, but also on the more unpleasant sides, with the hope that things will change for the better.

20 Aug 2007
So, i'm still in Moscow. True, i had a train ticket back to St. P for this morning at 8.45 , but that didn't exactly work out. First of all, we had a flat tire on the way out the driveway... not much of a shock, considering the horrendous condition of the roads around their house. The flat tire in and of itself wasn't the problem since we got it pumped up again in roughly 10 min. 10 min were nothing in comparison with the horrendous, incredible, unbelievable traffic jam we found ourselves in as soon as we got on the freeway. Traveling 20 something miles took us over 2.5 hours. We eventually got to the station, more than an hour after the train left and bought a new ticket... for Friday morning.
At the time, i didn't care that much... i've pretty much gotten used to the randomness of Russian life, so what's a missed train in the midst of that? Granted, in America, i would have been flipping out, but here, i knew there was absolutely nothing i could do to change the situation, so might as well laugh about it.

So at the time, it wasn't so bad. But i was so ready to get back to St. Petersburg, mentally, physically, suitcase-ly. Misha's grandparents and other relatives loaded me up with presents to give to Misha's family, and my suitcase is in a state of almost bursting, despite the extremely efficient, professional packing job i did last night. And now that'll all have to be done again. Furthermore, going back to Petersburg was kind of like taking one step closer to being back home. Silly, i know, but after 2+ months, it's little stuff like that that makes life tolerable. Besides, Petersburg became a kind of home, "svoi" (one's own) as we say in Russian, while Moscow remains a strange, oversized blob.

Anyway, after buying a new ticket, we decided to go explore Moscow some more. So i got to see Arbat (where i bought Misha a t-shirt with Sochi and the year of the Olympics), the place where Misha's parents celebrated their wedding, and the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour which was rebuilt recently after being destroyed in the revolution and turned into a swimming pool. We lit candles again:-) I don't might the lighting candles part since it is reassuring, but there's still something revolting about standing in line to pay to pray for someone you love, or worse yet, paying someone else to pray for them. Ok, i won't get started again. Then we went to the icon shop so Kristina could buy a silver cross and Alexey could buy one of those icons that Russians always have in their cars. Ya know, the ones that sit where the airbag should technically be, but probably isn't... so you've got the gilded face of some saint to protect you! Alexey suggest that i get one to watch over my dad since he's a truck driver... when i hesitated, Kristina piped up, "You really love your parents don't you!" lol. Ok, so i've got a more American relationship with my parents than your average Russian univerisity student, but it doesn't mean i love them less, lol. The real issue is that i don't have much faith in a piece of wood, paint, and gold to take care of my dad. At any rate, i bowed to peer pressure, and my papa will soon be the proud owner of a Russian icon:-) (something even his Russia obsessed daughter can't claim) Sorry daddy, i was going to get you Soviet military memorabilia, but this came up first!


22 July
So it's now just over a week until i leave Russia. On the whole, i think i'm going to really miss it here, and it's probably going to be a tough adjustment back to American life. This has become a kind of home for me, and i've pretty much adapted to the mentality and lifestyle. I keep trying to remind myself of what America is like, and it's more like a foggy remembrance than something i lived with my whole life. I'll have to put on a fake smile every day, i won't have to fear policemen, i'll have to get a little less stingy. Plus, I'll have to get back in the habit of speaking English. It's funny how i feel about language at this point. Russian has become such a habit that even when i have the chance to speak English, there's no strong desire to do so. On the other hand, sometimes i remember being able to blurt out the first thing that came to my mind, and then I start missing English. Let's just say that silence has become more of a close companion that it ever was back in the US.




PS. Sorry for the typos and strange phrasings. Time is literally money in an internet cafe, and I didn't have enough time to proofread as well as I wanted to.

So, finally, finally, finally, I am back in St. Petersburg. Thanks to an outrageous traffic jam on the way to the train station, I ended up having to spend 4 extra days in Moscow:-)
It's good to be back in St. P, that's all I have to say.

More to come soon.

31 July 2007
Woot, the time is passing!

I picked up the phone today at home and ended up in a 10 minute conversation with someone as to whether i'm a Jew or not. Don't believe me? Read on!
The lady wanted to talk with Zoya, who wasn't home.
"Wait, so who are you again?"
"This is Sarah"
"Sarah? That's a Jewish name"
"Yes, i know"
"Are you Jewish?"
"Nope"
"So what exactly *is* your nationality?"
"I'm an American"
"That's not a nationality; that's a citizenship. What's your nationality?"
"Well, my ancestors were from Italy, Ireland..."
"Still, that's strange that you've got a Jewish name"

Good lord almighty! Fine, i'm Jewish, would that make you happy? I really hate getting asked that question, especially by complete strangers... on one hand, it makes me laugh, on the other hand, it really frustrates me that people get so hung up on nationality. On the third (!) hand, i feel like a coward. I'm not Jewish, but I feel a great affinity for Jews, their traditions and religion, so when i have to make the choice between trying to explain that and going with the answer that is likely to make the fewest waves, I'm rather ashamed of myself.
Oh well, at least i'm used to it now thanks to Misha's grandpa whose first question was "What is she, a Jew or something?!" after hearing my name. And i'll never forget how he cornered me when we first met and asked, "So what are you, Jewish? You know you've got a Jewish name." Naturally, there was a long, awkward pause while i collected my thoughts. Finally, i mustered up the words in Russian to explain that both of my parents are Christian and that my ancestors are from everywhere but the land of milk and honey, lol. And furthermore, the name "Sarah" was the most popular name in my birth year.



Well, to continue the tale of horrible driving... the front bumber, in its entirety, of my family's car is not propped up in the entry way of our apartment. Yea... i'm just glad i wasn't there to experience how it came off!


3 August
Well, never thought i would survive to see August, but whatdya know!
We're leaving on Sunday for a week-long curise around northern Russia, and then I'm heading down to Moscow for a week. It should be quite an adventure, to say the least, staying with someone I've never met and all!

11 August 2007
Well, we just got back from the cruise this morning. Lots more to say about that, but it'll have to wait. I owe all of you a long, long post, and it is coming, I promise.
More than half of our group is heading home tonight; on the one hand, I'm sort of jealous, but on the other hand, it's going to be nice exploring Russia on my own outside of the classroom.

19 July 2007
Riding a marshrutka a few days ago, I saw an older couple, probably somewhere in their mid-seventies sitting across from me. The grandpa had this adorable, mock-official lilt to his voice that only older Russians seem to have.... I can't even begin to explain why, but seeing them together almost brought tears to my eyes. It's so exceedingly rare to see older couples here. Well, considering the fact that the average life expectancy for men is 58-59, I suppose it's not that shocking. Furthermore, the number of couples that stay married or even marry in the first place is kinda low.

On Wednesday, it was four years since my host mother's husband died. As seems to be the tradition, a throng of people came over to remember him and drink. Culturally, it's very different than what I've seen in America where people die much later, and everyone accepts that it was time for them to pass on. Most widows are basically alone every anniversary because friends and family don't remember what happened X number of years ago or devote the day to remembering the person's life. Jewish culture also provides an interesting comparison with American mourning practices since there's a strictly prescribed regimen where life basically comes to a standstill for surviving relatives for a week. Then there's the special prayer for mourning--the Kaddish-- that a relative says every day for a month (or 11 months after the death of a parent) and every anniversary from then on. Who knows... there are probably good things to all three approaches, but sometimes it seems like American culture doesn't have time to mourn.

Moving on from death.... How about clothing? I've always been one for simple clothes, the simpler the better. The most important things for me are good fabrics and a flattering cut. For Russian women it's totally different. Buckles, beading, glitter, rivets, rhinestones, you name it, and the more the better. The result can be a bit over the top for my taste, but the truly amazing thing is that they pull it off! It looks good on at least 95% of them, and it's passable on the rest. Personal preference aside, they really amazing me:-))


20 July 2007
Wow, today is the first day i've been able to just sit down and waste time on youtube. At school back home, it's hands down my favorite way to procrastinate:-) It was certainly good to catch up with all my favorite songs that I haven't been able to find in mp3 format.

Also, yours truly went to a Russian shopping mall today. Talk about upscale, Western to the nth degree, and almost frighteningly spotlessly clean! So after weeks of searching in various markets, I finally found a skirt long enough to go to synagogue in. Granted, I also payed a decent chunk of change for it... still, it does go all the way to the ankles, so I guess fabric costs. Sizing around here remains more than a complete mystery to me though... in one store i was a 42, but the skirt i bought today was a 38. Beats me. And if any of you have any ideas, please clue me in! (but please don't think i'm a cow if you come up with a strange number).
Continuing the theme of new mixing with the old, right next to this upscale mall was a more traditional market, not unlike some I remember seeing in Italy. Good place to watch your bag closely, but nonetheless enjoyable. I swear, every family in Central Asia must have at least one relative working there:-)))

I've been meaning to write about the escalators for a while but kept forgetting, so here goes. The escalators down to the subway are the best place in the city (that was originally spelled "sitty". Wow, my English is dying a swift, painful death) to people-watch without feeling uncomfortable or touristy. The subway itself is incredibly far underground here, presumably down to the bedrock, so the long ride down gives one plenty of time for observation and mental note-taking. Mixed in with the babushkas, policemen, and occasional person in a very big hurry, are lots of young couples. PDA seems to be very acceptable around here, and I have to admit that I rather enjoy it. It's not quite to the level that the French take it to, but couples certainly aren't timid about hugging or kissing in public.

So things are getting better. Wouldn't say I'm on cloud nine, but at least today was... comfortable.... meaning that no one yelled at me, I didn't get bent out of shape over my Russian, and it's Friday. Finally.


21 July 2007
Finally, finally, finally got to go to synagogue today!! It's been a long time in coming, but then again, finding a long skirt in a size smaller than 12 was way more of a challenge than anticipated. The number of people there actually dressed according to halakhah (Jewish law) was limited, but I still like to follow the rules to show respect. In case you're wondering, this involves covering the elbows, knees, and collarbones... with the last part being the most difficult to accomplish, especially during the summer.

They synagogue itself was built way back in the late-1800s, but it was just restored in 2003, so it looks quite spiffy. Despite the fact that the acoustics were echoey, they had a wonderful choir and a very talented cantor. The actual service was terribly confusing, but that's the way Orthodox services usually go, especially when there's no English to fall back on. One old man was calling out page numbers for people who were lost (me, for example), but it was hard to hear him from the balcony where women sit.

After the service, a young couple came up to me and asked where i'd be having lunch; nowhere, of course. So they invited me and a family visiting from England to their house for lunch. (Yes, I told them I wasn't Jewish, but they still insisted on having me... and after eating sparsely on Russian food for a month, i wasn't about to turn turn down a free Shabbat feast). Turns out they are part of the Chabad Lubavitch movement and have been working here in Russia for several years now and before that in Ukraine. The Lubavitchers are quite an interesting group, gotta say. They believe that by bringing Jews back to Jewish traditions and mitzvot (good deeds), the world will finally become worthy of the messiah. There have been countless interpretations of the words "messiah" and "redemption" over the centuries, but in general, I think making the world a better place and motivating people to do good things for each other is a kind of redemption in and of itself. So I admire them very deeply for what they do. I also admire them because they realize that there's the lofty ideal of religious life, but there's also the reality of the world we live in. So in contrast to other orthodox groups, they see nothing wrong with enjoying what the non-Jewish, non-religious world has to offer. For example, the family i met today still doesn't use transportation of any kind on Shabbat, but they go to the movies, the ballet, the opera and absolutely love it, no guilt complexes attached.

Walking to their apartment from the synagogue, I began to get really freaked out because there was this blond guy following us every step of the way, right up to the door. Turns out his job is actually to protect the family, but I was really worried there for a while! If you're thinking it sounds a little elitist to have a security guard, let's just say that there was also some graffiti on the way consisting of some German phrase about "Juden" and a Jewish star with an X through it. Yea.... The family from England couldn't understand why someone hadn't painted over it; sadly, I knew all too well why no one had bothered.

It's hard to explain why, but today was the first time i've really felt unconditionally welcomed here in Russia and perfectly at home among strangers. (Even with my Russian family, things were a bit uncomfortable at first, though things have gotten better with time). Maybe it's because a lot of traditional Jews retain the sense of always being outsiders, and thus they make a great effort to open their homes to strangers. Maybe it was comforting to be reading the familiar prayers so far away from home. Maybe it was interesting hearing stories about G-d shopping the Torah around to all the nations of the world and the Jews being the only ones crazy enough to accept it, but a minority voice among the other nations always being drawn it as well. Maybe it was it was just freeing to be walking the streets of a city in a long skirt with no makeup sticking out like sore thumb but feeling comfortable and natural for a change. I can't explain why exactly, but I'm happy today.

Oh, and I am now the proud owner of a ticket to Moscow for Aug 12. $25 for cheapskate class, so I'm quite dovol'na (satisfied, pleased).

PS. Tonight's the first time I've seen the moon, can you imagine that?! It's a quarter 'til midnight here and the moon is out there hovering over the Gulf of Finland, about 2 degrees off the horizon at most. Also, if i'm not mistaken, the moon at home usually rises far far away from the sunset, but here, if the sun is setting in the West, then the moon is rising in the South West. Um, after looking again, that moon is getting closer and closer to the horizon instead of higher in the sky, in fact, it's toching the water already and looks like the sail of a ship. What the heck, come back!!


23 July 2007
I know i've written about Russians not smiling... it makes sense since people here have little to smile about. Most days it's nice not having to paste on my American "everything's just peachy!" smile (with plentiful curse words behind it). At first, there were days when I really did feel like smiling, and had to force myself to wipe that look off my face lest people think something's wrong with me. Odd thing is though, the longer i stay here, the less I ever have the urge to smile. I swear i'm going to have grey hair by the time I get home.

17 July 2007
Something tells me that by the time i get home, i will be a certified expert at walking in three inch heels on roads that should be counter-indicated for anything other than sneakers. My host sister tops even that though by going out in 4 inch stilettos. No wonder Russian men have retained the gentlemanly courtesy of helping women cross the street, get out of a car, etc.

13 July 2007
Went to a bar tonight with a girl friend from the program. It was a lot of fun being out with her to relax and kick back after a long week. As the evening wore on, it started raining cats and dogs, and after roughly an hour of hard rain, the bar actually started to flood through the kitchen window. The bartender announced, "If you don't want to be swimming soon, i suggest you get out of here. If you'd like to have a swim though, by all means!" lol. Flooding seems to be a major problem here, and in general, St. Petersburg seems to be a city that was built (and exists) in utter defiance of nature. Peter the Great was hell bent on having a port, so he chose some swampland that's almost in the arctic circle... genius, really! As a result, countless people died trying to fulfill that dream. As they say, "St. Petersburg was built on bones." And to some extent, you can't escape that knowledge once you learn about the city's history. It's incredibly beautiful here, but there's something behind that beauty that doesn't quite lend itself to words. For example, in any other city, pale yellow buildings would be a cheerful, sunny sight, but here, yellow has been persistently associated with insanity. There's something institutional about them, not anything that I could ever describe as "charming."

Switching gears from weather and architecture to people.... If things are really getting better, if the economy is getting stronger, and people's lifestyles are improving, why are an increasing number of Russians looking for a scapegoat, and why is xenophobia on the rise? Really, i'm at a loss. It might be related to the search Russians and Russia are going to through to find out, "Who are we?" It's a question that Russians are far more preoccupied with than Americans. After all, we all know we live in the land of the free and the home of the brave, and beyond that, we don't need much else. But after the Soviet Union, a drunk embarrassment of a president, and economic disaster, it seems like Russians are now trying to decide what it means to be Russian and how they want to relate to those who aren't part of the dominant nationality.

I haven't seen a single skinhead here and don't expect to run into one, but i don't have to look very far to find kissing-cousin sentiments. Last night in a bar, some guy came up to my friend and me offering to buy us a drink. Of course we refused, but he kept talking to us and decided that the sexiest topic of conversation would be discussing how much he hates all the illegal Tajiks in St. P. "Look there in the kitchen... you see those people? They aren't Russian, and they're here without registration." I wanted to ask him if he would actually want to do the kind of work they are doing. Then he wanted to get us going on the Mexicans in the US. Of course illegal immigrants are a strain on the government and economy of any country, but on the human level, I think most Americans understand that we're all people, and we all want to do what's best for our families. So there's no reason to hate illegal immigrants on the basis of race/nationality. Naturally, that was a foreign concept to our conversation partner. Getting more gutsy, i kindly pointed out to this young man that he didn't look the least bit Russian, so how could he have such a hatred for these non-Russians. Contrary to expectations, he didn't beat me up, but he did insist that he was 100% Russian and that he was "educated and well-off", as if I needed to know. It was obviously important to him though because he repeatedly pointed out with great disgust that these illegals live 20 people to a single room apartment. Obviously he's forgotten about the terrible conditions that that "pure" ethnic Russians lived in at several points during Russian history... and outside of the big cities, they continue to live in abject poverty.

Actually, forgetting history seems to be a huge part of the problem. Russia has always encompassed a huge variety of ethnic groups; furthermore, Russia was ruled by the Mongols for quite a significant chunk of time and I seriously doubt you could find a "purebred" Russian anywhere. Face it, we're all mongrels. But none of that matters. What matters is that one person doesn't look like another or doesn't talk like another and can be conveniently blamed.

There's one part of the Russian psyche that is very fatalistic, but there's another part of it that always wants to know who is to blame. If you don't believe me, comb through Russian history for the phrase "Kto vinovat?"; your head will swim. It's not that individual leaders can't be blamed for terrible things that have happened, but Russians don't seem able to accept the idea that "Sh*t happens." Unfortunately, that one phrase explains a lot of the world's problems... either because so many people are to blame, or because there's no way that a culprit can be pinned down. But not being able to accept that bad things sometimes happen for no reason, people start looking for someone to blame that is weakly related to the actual problem, be it the Jews, the West, or Tajiks.

In the late-1990s there was a phone survey of Peterburgites asking if they would personally participate in a pogrom against ethnic minorities, and a majority said they would. Imagine that! Minorities only make up ~10% of the population, but it's still a bit chilling. Judging from more recent statistics I've read but can't quote offhand, it's pretty safe to say that not much has changed.

Ok, now you probably think i hate Russia! Not true at all. It's just that Russia and Russian people baffle me completely sometimes. Everything connected to Russia is like a great work of literature with lots of layers to peel away, appreciate, and try to understand. If nothing else, Russia makes me think, and that's exactly why I love her so much.


15 July 2007
Today's the fifteenth:-((( This should be a day to celebrate, but on the whole, it's been a rough day for me. Something tells me i'm depressed and just don't want to admit it to myself. There was basically no food in the house (with the exception of meat dumplings that had been sitting out all night) so i pretty much starved all morning. This afternoon, i finally got hungry and grouchy enough to go to the store. Spent 700 roubles, and then the checker yelled at me for not giving her the right amount of kopeks. She wanted to know if i had 20 kopeks... i had one 10 kopek coin and one 50 kopek coin, so i said no. Then she fussed at me and grabbed the 50 kopek coin from my hand. They are basically worthless, but it still irritated me and made me feel really stupid. So i cried my way home and then yelled at a box of teabags about how i'll never learn Russian. There's no reason to be ashamed of having trouble in a foreign language, but some days i just don't feel like opening my mouth anymore and embarrassing myself further. I didn't come to Russia with any illusions about my ability to communicate in Russian, but it's still rough being constantly aware of being a foreigner, having people asking you to repeat stuff cause they couldn't understand through your American accent, or being yelled at by a store clerk because you didn't understand how worthless kopeks are. So, in short, today was the kind of day that makes me want to найти бутылку водочки and fly home. Add to that worrying about the 25th... and you can picture my state of mind right now.

16 July 2007
Got food poisoning to some degree from eating pelmeni (meat dumplings) last night that had been sitting out for too long. Something about refrigeration seems to be lost on my family; either that or they have stomachs make of iron. So let's just say that politeness and desperation are going to be the death of my digestive system.
Spent the first good chunk of last night failing to fall asleep and crying instead. This must be the mid-trip bundle of emotions and stress... so in the interest of physical and emotional health, I came home early from classes today and slept for three hours straight. Let's just hope that tomorrow will be different, better, happier.

Things'll get better, i'm sure of it. For now, sorry to end on such a depressing note. There's a degree of honesty I never seem to reach in spoken communication that comes flooding out in my writing. So apologies to those of you who talked with me over the weekend and thought i sounded upbeat, lol. You can blame ballet for my inability to be honest.


17 June 2007
Continuing my rant from a few days ago.... The front page of the newspaper today had a story about a Tartar young man being attacked and killed by a gang of 17 people here in St. P. In typical form, prosecutors are refusing to classify the murder as ethnically motivated. As usual, everyone knows there's a problem, but nobody wants to call a spade and spade, and then nothing ever changes. Eh.

6 July 2007
Disaster always hits when you least expect it or want it. For those of you who don't know, i've been living with another student from the program in the same family, Alyson. After being here roughly a week though, she started getting really bad digestive problems and incredible pains and ended up going to the hospital on Saturday. Well, she's been there ever since while the doctors attempted to figure out what the problem was. Absolutely no luck, and today she called to tell me that she's being taken back to the States either tomorrow or Sunday. Naturally, she was crying, and i almost started crying as well. There are volumes of Russian words to describe this situation, but none of them should be translated. Seriously, after going to all the trouble to win this scholarship and doing your best to adapt to life here... and then to get hit with this! I can't even begin to describe how upset i would be in her place.



8 July 2007
Went to the Hermitage today! Pictures simply cannot do that place justice for anything. (Actually, they can't do much of anything justice, people, buildings, artwork, cities...etc.) It's the perfect combination of a palace and a museum, which is especially good for me. Honestly, i don't understand great art the way i should, so it was wonderful to have such stunning architecture and decorating to admire.
It cost money to take pictures inside the museum and photography is not a talent of mine, so i bought a few books on the museum for certain art-minded family members:-)



9 July 2007
Yulia told me today that Allyson's grandpa died. He'd been sick with cancer for a long time and Allyson was really fretting about being in Russia during what were most likely going to be his last few weeks. Her family asked that the people in the program not tell her, so I have to be careful not to mention it. Good grief though, i can't imagine what her family must be going through right now. The death of a father, and a daughter sick in a foreign country. That's a lot to deal with.

Also, it seems that someone tried to get into our apartment last night. Very reassuring, i know. That's the strange thing about being in Russia: on the one hand, it feels perfectly safe, but at the same time, there's an unavoidable sense of being very, very vulnerable. The country is safe, that's not what I mean. It's more a sense of uncertainty and randomness that Russians live with every day. For me, I feel an extra layer of vulnerability as an American woman, someone who is undoubtedly a bag of gold with a greencard to boot (as someone kindly explained to me). The rate of guys being a little too interested in me is now more than one a week, and it's very safe to bet that they only want two things from me. As Misha put it, "Russia, our beloved country that we can't wait to leave." Heh.

Just walking down the streets though, i feel safer here than i do in Seattle, if for no other reason than there are lots of people walking down the street. In so many ways, this city feels comfortable and unsettling at the same time, which is hard to explain. Trying to behave like a Russian on the streets, aka not smiling and not being particularly cosy with strangers, is both a welcomed relief and confining. St. Petersburg feels more like "home" than Seattle ever has, but I constantly have the feeling of being a stranger, a feeling which is harder to overcome in Russian culture than in Western Europe for very legitimate reasons.

On the more entertaining side of things, I've had to help several Italians and Turks at the grocery store because they think I'm Russian! They just come right up to me and ask for advice on the best vodka or ask me translate labels into English. One lady seemed to think I might speak Italian and we had to work out sign language for "salt" which eventually involved pointing at fish!


11 July
Allyson is going back to the States tomorrow. It's really unfortunate that she got to spend so little time here, and half of her time here was spent in the hospital. Still, hopefully the doctors back home will be able to figure out what's wrong with her and treat it. Just remembering my own run-in with stomach problems, it can be incredibly frustrating and infuriating having to wonder how your body will cope the food at every meal.


So, now you're all caught up on life in St. P.

Finally, I'm getting around to posting some stuff that's been sitting on my laptop for a while. Enjoy))



The first day in Russia, i don't remember the date already….

Well, things were much better after a night of sleep. Significantly so. We had a three hour orientation this morning which almost put me back to sleep, but overall, I'm adjusting to the time change better than expected. The long flight completely messed up any sense of time i had, so maybe it was easy to reset.

After lunch, we were driven to our families homes... well, homes in anything but the American sense. It almost makes me ashamed of the real estate boom we've had in recent years were every family feels needs to buy a home. Not that it's a bad thing to have your own home, but it certainly makes you think when you see the majority of Russians living in conditions that would overqualify for "ghetto" or "project" in Seattle, shall we say. There are apartment buildings still standing from the 1970s that look like they are ready to collapse right next to the latest greatest in Russian apartments... something that is also striking because in America, the are usually poorer and richer parts to cities, and the buildings are divided up accordingly.

Enough about housing for now. The bus ride to our family was really enjoyable. It was basically our first good look at St. Petersburg since we had been staying in a hotel outside the city. We got to see several of the main churches, plus the Bolshoy Dom (Big Home) of the KGB and a prison in the shape of a cross (trust me, if you end up in prison in Russia, you need religion to survive).

So, our family has a few more people around that I'd expected and something tells me they are all living in one room now that Alyson (the other student living with this family) and I are here. The mom's name is Larisa Genrikhovna, the son's name is Leonid, and his girlfriend's name is Zoya. There was another young man floating around, but I don't know if he lives here or not. Like a huge number (majority?) of Russian families, there doesn't seem to be a dad around. There's a picture of a middle aged man on top of the microwave, so it's probably safe to assume that they aren't divorced or separated, and that leaves the strong likelihood that he's dead. I'm feel bad asking:-(

Our apartment building is right next to a boardwalk along the Gulf of Finland. And can you believe it, all of our windows from the apartment look out over it. I feel so incredibly lucky right now! There's even a beach meters away from the entrance. As for the actual apartment though, it is in a state we would call disrepair, but it's also obvious that they are in the process of making huge renovations. The room I'm in (Leonid's room, as he took the time to point out:-) is completely redone with new flooring, wallpaper, and furniture. Alyson's room is a bit smaller, but it has also been renovated. The bathrooms are a disaster though! Well, speaking in non-Russian standards. All things considered, they are really nice though, especially since they installed a hot water heater to make sure we have hot showers when the city shuts it off for maintenance.

Much to my surprise and delight, it sounds like they are Jewish. They look completely Russian as the son is blond and is a typical Russian krasavchik (cute guy), but there's a hand of hamesh (sp?) on the wall, in addition to other traditional Jewish symbols to ward off the evil eye:-) Honestly, I'd been hoping to live with a Jewish family since their life in Russia is of great interest to me, so I'm delighted to have lucked out like this. Plus, curiosity aside, a lot of Russians aren’t exactly enamored with Jews, so I was worried that a non-Jewish family might not like me and my interest in Judaism.

The keys to the apartment, of which there are five (count 'em) are somewhat prehistoric. As our academic director explained, during the 90s there were a lot of apartments broken into, so people resorted to keys that have so many nooks and crannies, not even G-d could pick the lock. She showed us the key to her apartment and I'm not exaggerating in saying that it was at least 6 inches long. The longest of my keys is only 3.5 inches long, but still!

Right down the street, there's a huge hotel and an "univermag" which amounts to a supermarket. The Soviet era is obviously long gone because they have every product imaginable and then some, especially in the alcohol department. I bought two huge bottles of water, a smaller bottle of water, two juices, some crackers, and cigarettes for roughly $8. Nice huh? Btw, no I have not taken up smoking in the past 48 hours... it's just good to carry them with you because people ask for them. Considering how cheap they are here (~$1.25 for top of the line cigarettes), why not be friendly?

Enough rambling? All said and done, I'm liking it here very much and am already looking forward to coming back to Russia... every year hopefully! That's all for now. Wish me luck on the placement exams tomorrow; it'll be three hours of torture, but at least all of the written questions will be multiple choice .


7.51 am 27 June 2007
Ok, I know it's been a while. Classes are long and utterly exhausting. It probably wouldn't be so bad, but in the afternoons, after a whole morning of Russian language classes, we have lectures in Russian. Let's just say that by noon everyday, I've already had it up to here with speaking and hearing Russian:-) And G-d help me, but i never thought i'd be saying that! It's wonderful being here, don't get me wrong, but it is incredibly exhausting to be working all day in a language you barely speak.

The placement test turned out better than expected actually and i placed into the top level (of four). Still, it was, without a doubt, the longest, most complicated, most ego-destroying test I've ever taken in Russian or in any subject for that matter)))

Generally speaking, food here is wonderfully inexpensive. The program is only paying for our breakfast and lunch, so we're on our own for dinner. Most of the time we won't be home for dinner, but just in case, I went to the "Univermag" (supermarket) to buy food. I got potatoes, pasta, crackers, olives, mushrooms, lots of juice to cover up the taste of bottled water, and pryaniki (cookies basically like pefferneuse, but with various fruit fillings. And please forgive the butchered spelling, my dictionary doesn’t have any suggestions) Also, Russian juice is also pretty unique. Whereas we tend to sweeten the life and nutritional value out of fruit juice, Russians leave it in peace and I can drink it without worrying about the sugar content.

Speaking of food, the other day, we went to a Georgian restaurant for dinner. Wow, if you've never had Georgian food, please find yourself some. Khatchapuri (bread with cheese stuffed inside) is delicious. Of course, the most exciting part was ordering a glass of Georgian wine with dinner for the equivalent of $4, imagine that! For those of you who don't know, Georgian wine is very well known (at least in Russian circles) as the best wine around. Of course, due to the Russian conflict Georgia, it's theoretically illegal since the Russian government decided that it wasn't "safe" and is bad for one's health. Nonsense. Don’t you hate it when politics gets in the way of eating good food? It was, without a doubt, the best wine I've ever had.

Crazy governments aside, i've already had some good talks with my host mom. She's offered her opinion up on politics even without my asking. For her, it doesn't really matter who is in power, Communists, Yeltsin, Putin, or the next president. For her, no matter what, her concerns are going to be the same: working, feeding her family, etc.
Our teacher wants Putin to stay on and says she wishes he would disobey the constitution since it would be for the good of the country. I have to wonder if she realizes what happens when some benevolent leader is begged to stay on as a dictator? Two of the other teachers (the ones who really stop to think about what is going on in their country, aside from there finally being bread on the table and a president that doesn't drink contstantly) feel like economic and social stability has been achieved at the cost of many valuable things, for example, the freedom to criticize the leader. For example, the political satire show called “kukli” being shut down, and the fact that Putin has completely stopped giving one-on-one interviews, which is rather interesting, shall we say.



28 June 2007.
Got flirted with today)) A Russian guy came up and asked me for directions and would not unglue himself from me for anything! He even asked me if i was married! And even after i explained that i already have a boyfriend at home who's from Russia, he said "Ah, so you've got a candidate!!" and then sugested that i could have another boyfriend here as well! Well, such a thing would never have occurred to me, thank you very much for the suggestion! Sheesh:-)

Also rode the subway for the first time today. Marshrutkas are the sure fire way to get lost, omg. I've had quite enough of that. But I love the subway. It just makes sense, so I suppose Stalin was no idiot. The only downside is that the stops are really far apart, even further apart than the Long Island Railroad stations. To get to the closest metro statiion from the apaprtment is roughly 40 minutes by foot, and then perhaps 15 minutes from the next station to the university by foot. For me, it's easiest to catch one of two buses, but they come rather rarely as i discovered yesterday.

Oo, this pains me to relate, but mullets are EVERYWHERE. On men, on women, thank goodness not so much on children. It's actually kind of painful to see something that should have gone out of style long ago be alive and kicking in a country that is otherwise quite fashionable and well pulled together.
It is true that Russian women dress exceedingly well. Historically, there’s been a huge shortage of men, so women have had to go to rather extreme measures to compete for a mate. Good clothes are seriously expensive here, but the whole culture surrounding clothing is completely different. People repeat shirts, pants, even entire outfits several times a week. It certainly takes a lot of the pressure off when trying to decide what to wear every day.





Ok. That’s all the old stuff for now. I hope I haven’t offended anyone (especially any Russians) with my impressions of Russia or political opinions! A lot of this was written from an American perspective because that’s mostly who is reading this journal, but i can also look at things from a more Russian perspective and come to completely different conclusions. I’m really loving it here in Russia and have already added it to my list of places that feel like “home”.

Talk to you all soon, hopefully, and if you leave a comment, I'll try to respond within a decent timeframe:-)

For those who read Russian, please excuse the repetition...

Sorry for the long absense. Internet, especially of the wireless variety, has been rather hard to come by... actually, impossible so far. Thanks to my grandmother and yandex (:-)), I now have a list of wireless hotspots in the city, just haven't had the time to go hunting for one yet. Hopefully next weekend something will work out.

Things are fine, despite a slightly traumatic Saturday and ongoing stomach issues for my roommate Alyson. All problems were quickly cured by seeing Peterhof on Sunday which was quite the awe-inspiring experience. For those of you who haven't seen it, dig around in Google images; it'll be worth every minute. I promise to post my own pictures when I figure out the wireless situation. Plus, I've been writing jounal entries on the laptop which will catch you up on everything.

See you soon, hopefully:-)

7.34 am Frankfurt

Well, I have to say that i'm quite impressed with the Frankfurt airport as opposed to the lovely Charles Dugal airport in Paris. This one is so clean and well organized... although i supposed we should expect nothing less from the masters of ARness. The only downside is the lack of wireless internet, which I halfway expected would be free.

We're leaving for Russia in about an hour; I'm already hearing Russians as they pass by, and i'm hoping to sit next to at least one on the flight over there. After all, from the moment we hit the ground until the day we leave for the US, we're forbidden to speak English except to communicate with family in the US and in emergencies. Horrors. I can tell already that my English is going to go way downhill, more than it already has. Seems like the more I study Russian, the more difficult it becomes for me to remember English words and phrases when I need them. Hopefully keeping this blog will help the situation, at least in terms of written communication.

Ok. That's all for now. I'm rambling, don't think i hadn't noticed. It's essentially 10.39 pm for me, and will be up for quite a while more.

11.09 pm Saturday! (St. Petersburg)
Well, I am jet lagged out of my mind, so please forgive any logical or grammatical slipups. We're here in St. Petersburg and as expected, it's still completely light outside, even now. From what I've seen so far, Russia is beautiful:-) That said, iit is probably the most unique mix of old and new that I have ever encountered. Right next to the tiniest international airport imaginable, they are building gigantic additions to the freeway, and next to Soviet-built cars that look like they haven't been repaired since Brezhnev are the latest, greatest European and American cars. The hotel we're staying at is a bit outside of the city, and honestly, I'm not too enamored. It's really Western, and it's obvious that only foreigners and super-rich Russians stay here.

Since arriving, and even before then, we've been speaking in Russian non-stop except to ask "Kak skazat' (English word)?" which means "How do you say___?". It's funny, it hadn't sunk in with me at all that I was going to Russia until we got to Frankfurt and settled in at the gate. The stream of Russian speakers gradually increased, and as it did, I felt more and more calm, even as it finally sunk in that i was actually going to be in Russia... after dreaming about it for years. As the plane took off, I kept thinking, "A part of me is going home for the first time ever...."


That's all... I'm so tired that I'm getting these waves of feeling very, very heavy and then very, very lightheaded. Need... sleeeeep.